stumbling along

This is my home. I grew up there. I visit almost every year. It is a small town, where the trees are short and the land is level. Now, I live where the trees are tall and the land is piled high with rock. I know ‘the One Red Paper Clip house’ that started all this for Kipling. My family is buried there, my brother and Mother and Father still live there. My brother is living on the farm I grew up on . My mother and Father live in Kipling.

Oh yeah, one more thing, Kipling cheers for the Ssk. Roughriders.

Thanks to CBC

The small town of Kipling, Sask. is preparing for the unveiling of a major film shot there last winter. ‘It was like shooting at the North Pole,’ actor Corbin Bernsen says.

Let’s put this town on the map.

I feel like I really need to use today as a real day off. My spirit and my nerves need soothing. So today I am taking as a very quiet day. I am going to imagine a few fantasies. I need to manufacture in my mind first then I can go forward into making them real. Since that weekend in Victoria I had decided to take on a project that will (I believe) benefit all woman. I feel I need to and if I am going to make it real, you must first create it in your mind.
I tell myself all the time

“You are in a timeless state of grace where there is no doubt, shame or grief.”

Someone else said this first.

Later tho, my family is going to a Grey Cup party which we were invited to by the new guy at my work. I am looking forward to it. We need the relationship with other couples. Thanks Spike for inviting us.

Here is an ad and if you click on it, I get pay. So click away.

Well I have had some hard days at work. The work load it seems has increased X2. I am surviving and banking the OT. We haven’t taken a trip ever and would really like to go to Mexico. That is what I will donate my over time to.

As you see I have a evening post and I am giving myself one hour to do this . Good goal to work towards and the Mentalist will be on so I don’t want to miss it.

I started my day with a list of things to do. As the day went on I found it hard to accomplish a completion. It started to get dark, cold and still raining. My energy levels depleting quickly, but (you knew there was a but) as allows I completed. Last year I wore a head lamp but it felt so unsafe you need day light for mt work. I am curious what Work Safe would say about an injury in the dark. Maybe I should look up my case worker and ask her. I just figured out I should do this.

I found to day amongst all the work load time to think of a project I would like to do. The woman conference has inspired me to take on a project to honor all my sisters.( I will post of the gathering soon) Today felt like a spiritual realization that with my wisdom and my hope that I will be able to complete it. It will be amazing. I will benefit all woman. I am make a plan, and choosing my allies. So here I am teasing you because i am telling you what the project is. I am feeling more committed to it as time passes. To pull this off I will have to have volunteers and money. well definitely donate money to help children of this world.
Short but hour is up.. Thanks for listening.

I feel once I sort out what is real and what are fantasies, and what are my thoughts and what are others’ thoughts that surround you, then and only then, will I find it easier to respond and or keep stuff to your self. This can and has been difficult for me.

At the woman’s gathering they said to practice it in front of a mirror, so I think practice is in order. I did do that and I think it did help but I need to keep my feelings or emotions out of it. I said this to one of the girls there and she said

“You will be able to and thank you for the opportunity of being part of your healing.”

I had not really thought of it that way, but she was right they all were part of my healing even tho I did not see them there when I was up there speaking it was all a blur. I know it has change my life and what I think are my responsibilities. I say it that way because I know now that others may think my responsibilities are something else. Sometimes I think hurry up and get there because you are running out of time. That is when I need to stop and think ‘Why rush?’ If you want it and you want it to last then you can’t go fast.

Here is my thinking now, I live in this huge rain forest (I say huge because the trees stand about three times as tall as the trees on the farm where I grew up.) I transferred here to this forest and started my new route the day before 911. Now these trees took years to grow maybe even centuries. The development of the branches and the bark it is a slow and steady growth cycle to create such beauty. That unexpected event, the traveling by plane, the socializing, all of it played a part in my changing, my healing. Someone once said to me

“Good things can sprout quickly, the truly amazing takes longer.”

This rule, (let me call it, gradual development) is a rule to even apply to relationships. Relationships for love, marriage,for team sports or even business relationships. Progress must be steady and slow to allow for bonding, yet steady in the right direction. I heard this from my Father at times.

“You can’t expect to have everything at once.”

I often did not want to hear this, ‘give it time’ don’t rush and manipulate, let it grow naturally. Some of you have heard these saying to. Well I think I can listen now, it is a lesson that I want to stick with me now. And you know what “It feels good.” ” Here is where I end this post “I will succeed.”

I really hope I am touching other people with my blog. Healing unspoken hurts and unseen wounds. I have open my heart and lent my compassionate nature to you. Please don’t kill me for it. I hope you can look at me for dependability and understand, this helps my healing progress to.

I see myself as offering something unique and guided by forces within. What ever stands in the way is only temperately there. Which is really not a bad thing. Difficulties, obstacles or even setbacks can eventually become assets. For example if that oyster on the bottom of the ocean floor did not have little bites of sand around him, he would not make such beautiful pearls. If it is an obstacle that is deemed huge, then the best thing is to go around it rather than trying to move it. What ever the case maybe don’t pay it no mind. The most difficult problems have a positive side because it often make you turn inward and gain an understanding of your character and personal growth. An amazing man from German who loves to fly planes once told me

“Without air resistance, no plane would ever fly.”

And if you are hiking in the forest and you come upon a huge boulder

“go around, if you try to move it, you will hurt your shoulder.”

I love my children and am concern for their future. I need to be firm and we need to talk more. I mean expressing our feelings for each other. Lots of communication between us.

I will end this post on that note.

‘Communicate with your children today, okay.’