stumbling along

So here I am another day and posting. Three days in a row, reason is mostly because it is the weekend. I realize that keeping this up, daily posting I mean I need to change the way I do it, or not post daily. Reason is it has been taking me almost three hours or four before I am happy enough to hit that Publish button, I try to use words I mean to say and I try to say something meaningful. The subject is easy because

‘we all love to talk about ourselves’

(so I have been told) seriously, I would sooner listen to someone talk about themselves. So I find myself, doing this often, I take the conversation into their world and I hear them. Honestly tho, I sometimes don’t hear them and I pretend that I did hear them. Now this happens when the voice in my head has grasped a thought they shared and for some reason my thoughts will stay there till I shake it off or I say the thought with them. So see in the meantime they said ‘this….’ and I didn’t really hear those words. Some say,

‘I wasn’t paying attention.’

Or it is that I am paying attention to the thought that I can help them with. Most of the time when I share with them the words that come into my head I get a physical feeling like goose bump. I think that is the best word to use to describe the feeling. I only wonder if these words I seem to need to say are words that are meaningful and profound to them.

I like the words magical and mystical, they connect to another word imagination. Now really these are of a positive nature and then now you are in a positive atmosphere. It is a spiritual environment where I can turn the most boring projects or chores into a time for reflecting on who I am and what for and why? It is about expanding my imagination and that positive environment makes it easier. I know I need those positive words like optimistic, upbeat, and how about beautiful, so on. Then again sometimes, I do not express it in words but I see it in my mind.

These time of being alone are so very important to. It is a time to recognize ourselves, to look at how we are developing and to restore our energy so we can move forward.

Someone said something like this to me once;

“The most restful person may not be the one who sleeps ten hours a day, but the one able to grab catnaps while cruising 600 miles-per-hour at 35,000 ft.”

Understanding time to act, and to keep quite when it is time to keep still. In doing this is partly how you can get ‘peace of mind’ and then I am more focused.

When I was a little girl I use to visit my Uncle Fred, who was a switchboard operater and he was in a wheelchair . But he could wheel up to this switchboard (by the way this was a dinosaur way of communicating), all the chords he would pull and place into a hole to connect this person to that. I would look at his switch board and I would wonder how he knew what hole to place it to make the communication smooth. Well our bodies work much in the same way. As we sit erect and our spine is balanced and our nerves are the switchboard that causes your body to move.

He-he, I don’t know why I shared that story, have not thought of Uncle Fred for a very long time.

I need to treat this spark of energy with care and protect it. Imagine myself as a candle lite to allow you to see and warm. Then a wind comes up and I circle my hand around the flame to stop it from going out. Yet don’t get to close that you put it out or burn yourself. Like the worry I maybe deemed crazy could suffocate my spark.

Sometimes I know I am misunderstood and I am not sure if I have made enough effort to make my love ones appreciate me. Everyone in my world think stuff about me that isn’t true. But I like it be that way. Like at work I went home sick on Thursday and today I feel I am still sick and yet I am worried about staying home. “What will my co-worker think.” My digestive system is wonky and I sit her on my yoga ball thinking well try to go to work. Then I think but where will I find a washroom if I need it. When I am on route I can’t say ” Stomach stop that, I have 5 blocks to go before we are near a washroom, just wait,k.”

Now don’t get me wrong my children give me great pleasure and I love my husband dearly. But communication and sharing I find is not as good as I think I should be. See how I worded that “as good as I think it should be” They probably think everything is great. So deep down I have this inner conflict of being with them and being alone. Or do I, come on be honest with your self. Maybe fear plays a big part. Seem these days fear is playing a big roll.

Well I think I shall end there and go watch a movie or continue reading the book I started last weekend. None the less I want to escape from my usually weekend chores.

I am going to stay cool, calm but my feelings are raw. I want to be alone but maybe this isn’t a good idea because there I realize this is a hard road to go but it will change in a couple of days. So keep my doubts to myself and let the negative fall away from me naturally.

Today as any day I have strong dreams or call them psychic

“insights.”

I imagine myself as a Master Problem Solver and hope others like my cousin ( who I wrote a big long email 2) is drawn to me in a real and lasting way. I hope my tact and wisdom will influence her in a good way. I feel like I have the wisdom to hold things together and the Freedom to do it. I see in my dreams a woman a

“Cosmic Mother”

(if you will) who stands between earth and heaven, (the wife of God) and my protector from the forces set loose on Earth because of my immaturity and ignorance. This woman’s energy secures and nurturers my life and I become cosmic connected. Once I understand and realize my souls potential, I can stand to succeed in achieving my separate identity. I need to achieve moral and mental health and when I do, my soul will awaken to an immortal self and I would have accomplish this without having to die.

I see in my dreams the sun which is not a negative thing, no matter how and where it appears. It kinda represents

“Know Thyself”

to know the true nature of self is to have an ultimate realization and the freedom. Someone once said

“Humility is often rewarded in human affairs”

like how my mountains are eroding into the valleys. it is a way of nature to fill an empty glass. Regardless of my position in the world, be it a world leader or a homemaker, humility is a powerful and positive attribute. If I am a highly regarded leader, and humble, people are drawn to me and my causes. if I am low, humility will draw me to them of a higher status.

“Real humility is a virtue that all should aspire too.”

I think the most happiest and successful people are the ones who in every situation can create a balance by adding to what is so little or reducing what is too great. These people don’t crave power but they want balance and security to their world. As a humble person you can supply that balance and they are not prey to illusions of self importance. If this attribute is not natural to you try to make a effort to develop it. Humor is a tool I use often.

I am trying to show my love to all and this is my small gift to all my new friends and old. I am shaky and have a bad nervous resistance (intestinal cramping if you will) but I ‘m trying to stay professional. I will forget the rest, like my throat is sensitive and the thought of food makes me wary. This is a very good day as long as I stay in this positive direction.

“The key to good relationships always requires a give and take action.”

Unexpected events have rocked my world and has brought in good things I had not thought about.
Gratitude to all from me.

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Often I imagine angels all around me, protecting me. When this happens my outlook on things become increasingly positive and I have a greater understanding of my thoughts. I even feel invincible, like nothing can go wrong. But being to over confident can work against me.

“So don’t skip the details and always be prepared. This will increase my chances for being successful.”

“Be aggressive and take charge.”

This is my day in my world and if I stay determined and drive forward I will succeed.

I was away last weekend and Saturday morning a man I visited everyday passed away. I am very sad but I don’t regret being away. Is that bad? I know there comes a time when souls are harvested and taken to an even better place. This is a great reunion and I need to celebrate this return. I think if I don’t, if I just ignore it, my love for life will decline. I need to take it slowly and quietly remain faithful, then in time it will change to a more assertive position.

It is okay to take shelter and withdraw. It is okay to concentrate on my own personnel affairs and guard my self worth. That is why I’m staying home this weekend. I need to stay out of the public eye and let my family go alone. I need to recharge and if it means giving up on traveling to the arenas to watch my youngest score goals then so be it. They need (meaning my son and hubby) to accept this as their hardship and they will become stronger for it.

“In every cloud there is a sliver lining.”

I think if change in a situation is brought on too quickly often it creates extra conflict. By accepting hardships, while striving to maintain integrity, I am preparing for the future.

“A seed of prosperity is often hidden inside the husk of misfortune.”

I need time to reflect on last weekend and trust that the process of opening myself up as I did will allow a higher quality emerge.

I may have made brilliant steps in my career and I know I have to stay cool headed otherwise my adversaries (shall I call them that) will get at me. I am trying to tell myself that they aren’t as bad as I may think. Someone said to me

“Take some Vitamins C.”

So I did. LOL.

I have no more obstacles at work, I’m under the limelight so to speak. Yet I hear in my mind

“Stop nurturing those impossible dreams.”

I am going to rest and do everything for ME this weekend.

It seems difficult because of financial pressures that are there. I need to attract enough money to cover all my needs and wants.

“Satisfaction and prosperity go hand in hand.”

I have a good foundation and I try to focus on managing my money. I think I need to focus more. I need a better understanding and a clearer goal to work towards. I work Very VERY hard. (I express VERY because I really think I do). I have accomplished a lot because of all my hard work.
I”m not sure how to title this post, hmmm…. Thanks to who made these quotes first.

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I have to share this joke because if you really know me this will be extra funny.

One night a burglar broke into a house. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

‘Jesus is watching you.’

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’

he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yep’

, the parrot confessed, then squawked,

‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’

The burglar relaxed.

‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?‘

‘Moses,‘

replied the bird.

‘Moses?’

the burglar laughed.

‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

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Blessed are my SISTERS. LOVE YOU ONE AND ALL

I am inspired to get my blog up and running again. I have been doing everything else but post to my blog. I need to stay on top of that. It have been a real healing experience. I have been daydreaming today thinking beyond my current job and would like to take my proper place in the world. Yes I am ambitious and I am starting to map it out. I must take care not to set my expectations to high. I would be disappointed if I realize that my thinking is unrealistic. Still I will go ahead and dream big, and put my plan together in baby steps. Like one step at a time. Distractions always seem to have a toll on me. maybe it is stuff from home or maybe from work. I really try to be patient, more meditation is needed and I want to avoid confrontations with others.

I feel like I again can connect my spirit to my purpose in life. I have to really and truly be myself allow my soul to be bathed in the Dancing of the Angels and allow the forces that can provide a strong sense of purpose. i am reminded every day of my origin and my desire to be with the high Power.

I am trying to find out what my reason is for being, my mission. I am an agent (if you will) of The Creator and I know if I let go of the idea of being in control, I can easily notice the nudging i get. Then I have a better understanding of the invisible Helping Hands and I am in a better place and I am of a greater value.